Saturday, January 29, 2011

there is no explaining it to her.

sushi sat at this window the night hudson died, from the time mark left with him, until he came home without him.

she is still at this window every day, all day, when i am home with her.

apparently, when i am not here, she does not do this...somehow she just seems to feel that if i am home, then hudson *should* be home as well.

perhaps she believes that when i leave, there is a chance i will come back with him.

it is breaking my heart.

i was on the floor with alex today and she came over and sat in my lap and just whimpered for a very long time. maybe it was only three minutes...but it felt like an eternity, with her staring at me right in the eyes. she just does not understand.

i have not washed his blanket yet, because i read that it is good to keep the scent of the other dog aroudn as long as possible. i take her with us every chance i get...she really has not been alone for more than 20 minutes in a week, she is getting all kinds of walks and she is sleeping with holly now.

and yet when she found a spot that smelled like hudson? on the rug in our bathroom? she went nuts, sniffing and rolling in it like nothing i have ever seen her do before. i am not washing that either. ever at this point...

what do you do? it was hard sharing the news with the kids? but how do you deal with a dog who is missing her sibling...

i swore we would not get another dog. two dogs is a lot of work. was a lot of work. would be a lot of work. and hudson was A LOT of work;).

i am not sure i am up for that ever again.

but then i look at her lying so quietly, just staring at me, so lonely?
and i would do just about anything to make her happy.

stupid dog. breaking my heart.
stupid dog. dying at 14 of something not even age related.
stupid me, crying over the stupid dogs.

remind me why we have pets again?

hudson - november, 1996 - january 2011

13 comments:

Danielle said...

Aww Ang, I'm so sorry!!! I hope that both Sushi and your family are able to heal from this terrible loss. I can't even imagine. :(

3limes said...

Heart breaking. I am so sad for you all and it is the worst for Sushi because she can't possibly understand. Having a pet is a recipe for heartbreak but oh so worth it.

Amy said...

That picture of her at the window is so sad! Poor pup. Hugs to you all Ang.

Kathryn said...

A few years ago I lost my sweet little Spooky cat - she was only 9 and I believe she died of a broken heart (we were in the midst of moving once again and we "abandoned" her with my parents).

She was the cat that got into the vents of the car when we stopped for food on her first night night home...that climbed a tree which resulted from me falling from said tree when I climbed it to get her out...that left home one day and didn't return for 5 horrible nights...

...but she was also the cat that sat on my shoulder as I did chores...that slept on the pillow above my head - sharing my heat but keeping me warm...that took on the role of mommy when we brought home the kitten, Jaffa (after not speaking to me for 6 weeks)...

Why do we have pets? Because we need them as much as they need us. Because the hole they leave when they're gone is not as big as the one that would be there if they had never been part of our lives. Because the stupid things wiggle into our hearts with their soft tails, and floppy ears, and we're better people for knowing them.

It won't be tomorrow and it won't be next week or next month but you will eventually be able to remember Hudson without feeling the searing pain of his loss.

You're all in my thoughts.

Andrea said...

I'm crying my eyes out, here.

We went though this with Phoebe when Fred died, and they weren't even close. Oh, she loved him, but he couldn't stand her. She was a wild, obnoxious puppy and he was a calm 7 year old boy. When he unexpectedly died, Phoebe was lost.

We got Cody 4 or 5 months later.

Now? I see what my future holds when either of them die. When I take Cody just to be groomed and Phoebe is home alone? She paces and sniffs and sits by the door and is uneasy the entire time.

When Phoebe was in the hospital, Cody did nothing but lay and mope. The whole time.

I wish I could say definitely that time will heal her and that she will stop waiting and looking for and missing him. But all dogs grieve in their own way. Just like people do.

But you are doing your best for her and she will know that. My heart goes out to you all.

Anonymous said...

My thoughts are with Sushi.
She has lots of love from all of you and that is what matters most right now.
from your new doggie ownerxxxooo

angela auclair said...

thanks so much guys. all this helps:) me remain positive ( pawsitive;)??) with her.

went to our trusted pet store today and asked their opinion and came home with some homeopathic drops that are supposed to ease her anxiety. and more chew toys;). i am going to do some more research on the drops and then try them if she does not perk up in a few days. poor thing.

Christine said...

awww, it's so sad. My heart goes out to her and to you guys. More chew toys will definitely perk her up! good luck and I hope it works for her!

Lynn said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Sending lots of hugs your way.

neeroc said...

We lost our Sasha this past October, and her brother Chet was out of sorts for months. I'd say it's only been the past little while that he's approaching normal, and they were only together for 3.5 years. I can tell too that he's craving another buddy, his interactions with other dogs are different, he needs to meet them all.

Natasha said...

That is heartbreaking. Losing a pet is never easy. The photos are great, a very special way to remember Hudson. Sorry for your loss.

Tom said...

Hey Ang...tom here. I had to put one of my two to sleep at age 13. They were sisters from the same litter. They had NEVER been apart. It was very hard for a while but eventually my other pup got over it. Of course because they were so old she too has now passed away but that was a year later.

It is so hard to watch them suffer. You never really think about how a dog is going to take the loss of a loved one but they do just like us.

I hope you all get through this tough time. I still dont want to get a pet. I love animals but Im just not ready...I dont know when I will be but someday I hope that Ill be ready to get another dog again. Next time I wont get sisters from the same litter though :)

Capital Mom said...

That is so hard Angela. No advice, just a hug.